....requires a passport. But wait. The trip is soon. Very soon. No problem....I'll just use the expedited application process and I'll have it soon enough. Right?
Timeline: Thursday, 2005-12-15
6:30AM: Wake up, shower, get dressed, etc.
6:55AM: Check email, look around office at home for my certified birth certificate copy.
8:45AM: Still haven't found birth certificate.....maybe I left it at the office after returning from our recent company cruise to the Bahama Islands??
9:35AM: Barely get to the office in time for a quick phone meeting with a client.
9:55AM Look around office for birth certificate.....can't find it anywhere.....maybe it really is somewhere at home and I couldn't find it??
10:40AM Back at the house....tearing it apart looking for that #$%^!*# birth certificate.
11:50AM I give up. It's lost! How the heck did I lose it??
12:00PM it suddenly occurs to me that my wife left at
5:00AM this morning to drive more than 2 hours from home to take an elderly relative to a doctor appointment....and she took my laptop computer and case with her....and I suspect it's in that laptop case!
12:40PM I finally reach my wife on cell phone and confirm my suspicion.
12:45PM Begin 2+ hour drive to meet her and get it.
1:00PM Phone the application office to confirm total amount I need to pay them ($157) and make sure they will take a money order.
2:00PM While pretending to be a race truck driver, I see a branch of my bank up ahead, so stop and go in to get the $157 money order.
2:20PM Somehow I made the trip in record time and now have the birth certificate in my hand. Now I begin the drive back to where I can submit the application.
2:50PM I need 2 photos for the passport application. Stop at OfficeMax, pay $10, walk out with photos.
3:45PM After standing in line at county clerk's office I'm FINALLY at the clerk's window! I handher the application and photos. She explains to me that the photos are not scaled properly and will likely be rejected by state department.
3:55PM Now I'm at Walgreens getting new photos made and ensuring they're correctly scaled. Pay for second set of photos.
4:05PM Back at clerk of court's office, all is going well until she asks for my payments. Yes, that's plural. I find out I need TWO MONEY ORDERS. One for $30 and another for $127.
4:15PM Now I'm at the bank trading the first money order for the two correct ones.
4:25PM Back in line at clerk of court's office. All goes well and I walk out the door with a specially sealed package I must send overnight to State Dept.
4:28PM Lucky for me the post office is only a few blocks from clerk of court's office....now I get to wait in another line.
4:50PM Yes, I am still waiting in the very long post office line! An unbelieveable number of people are sending gifts, letters, and whatnot to all corners of the globe.
4:55PM So close....I'm wondering how these post office employees have the patience to deal with some of the customers who are totally unprepared, angry, etc. Some customers actually walk to the counter with something in their hand and say "I want to mail this"....but they have no envelope or box for it and no address labels.
4:57PM "Next person in line please". That's ME! I walk up to the nice postal employee who politely explains to me that I've filled out the wrong address label forms and have chosen the wrong overnight mailer envelopes and tells me to "Please step to the side and fill out these other forms". Now __I__ am one of the unprepared people I was ready to strangle only minutes ago.
4:58PM While filling out the proper address labels, I am starting to worry about one of the postal employess possibly having a meltdown while I'm here. Outwardly, they all seem incredibly patient and helpful. I am just about ready to "go postal" myself! This post office closes in 2 minutes.
5:01PM My package is now "in the system" and being delieverd next-day in both directions.
Things can only get better from here. I'm sure this will be a great trip!
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Fact of the matter is; that sandwich didn't stand a chance. I'm typically a fast eater...but I looked to my right and it was demolished in short order.
Why? I don't know. I had been craving a roast beef on rye with lettuce, cheese and mustard for several months now. I gave in to the temptation, and I liked it. In fact, I'll probably do it again. 
