Question: In a head to head battle, who would win? Mr. Miyagi or Chuck Norris?

This is a hotly contested subject around here with valid arguments on both sides. I will try to present all facts and make a logical decision based on these facts. First let me preface this argument with the following: This hypothetical battle would have occurred before the passing of Mr. Miyagi. Despite some statements made by Mr. Miyagi fans, it is a well known fact that a dead guy can't beat Chuck Norris.

Argument: When done properly, the crane kick cannot be defended against. Delivered by a trained master like Mr. Miyagi, Chuck Norris wouldn't stand a chance.

The crane kick is indefensible and one could argue that the delivery of this kick by a trained master like Mr. Miyagi would surely do much damage. However,as illustrated by Daniel-son, the crane kick makes contact with the opponents chin. And as everyone knows, Chuck Norris doesn't have a chin underneath his beard, he actually has another fist. Therefore Chuck Norris can successfully defend against Mr. Miyagi's bread and butter move. Point Chuck Norris.

Argument: The sheer power of a roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris would destroy Mr. Miyagi.

Without being the victim of a Chuck Norris roundhouse or convincing Chuck Norris to hook himself up to a roundhouse-o-meter, one can't be sure of the actual power delivered by his roundhouse kick. However, since 1940 (the birth of Chuck Norris), roundhouse related deaths have increased %13,000. Point Chuck Norris.

Argument: Mr. Miyagi has the ability to heal with his hands, and could heal himself from any blow delivered by Chuck Norris.

An interesting argument. One must remember that the act of heating up his hands takes significant time. For arguments sake, we'll say that the entire healing process takes a total of 7 seconds. As long as Chuck Norris can deliver a roundhouse kick every 6 seconds, Mr. Miyagi won't be able to heal himself fast enough. I have personally timed a Chuck Norris roundhouse, from start to face-crushing finish, at 2 seconds. Point Match Chuck Norris.

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Yes, that's right... just in time for all of your holiday shopping needs, MindComet launches the GMC Racefan Wishlist. Feast your eyes on the astounding assortment of gifts and gadgets assembled for your perusal. Projects like this give our designers an excuse to trudge on over to the other side of the MindComet campus and rub elbows with the floating brains in the IT dept. There's really nothing that unifies our two factions like the opportunity to bring joy to one lucky winner in the form of a lifetime supply of pizza. Oh yeah, there's money involved too... can you eat that?
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I now present the second edition of Bathroom Soundcheck. Click on the image above to listen (1.5 meg file) If you are new to Bathroom Soundcheck, this is where I take a laptop into the men's bathroom and sing because the accoustics in that place are of such high quality they deserve to be used and shared with the world.

All of the songs in this edition are requests made by Bathroom Soundcheck fans. Send me your requests (via the comments link on this post) and I will include them in the next edition.
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Since I went to the White House for my last vacation, I had to find something to do over Thanksgiving weekend to top it. So what do you do when you are in the middle of nowhere in Tennessee? You go to the Jack Daniel's distillery, of course!


Since Jack Daniel's Whiskey is called "Old No. 7," here are seven observations about the tour:

1. Making Whiskey is a VERY stinky process
2. Making Whiskey makes everything in the surrounding area really black
3. Making Whiskey is a real pain in the butt and takes a REALLY long time
4. My tour guide pronounced the word "fire" like "fur"
5. On the tour, you get to see the actual safe that killed Jack Daniel
6. Interesting personal fact: I went on the tour with my father, stepfather and father-in-law. Weird.
7. The ultimate irony in the universe: Moore County is dry. The only place in the whole county where you can buy Jack Daniel's whiskey is at the distillery. Even that took a special law getting passed.

So the next time you're near Lynchburg, TN (pop. 5,978), stop by the distillery. Just be prepared to hold your nose, 'cause it's STINKY!
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The company retreat has always been a catalyst for both new ideas and innovation as well as plain old spit your drink out, dance your butt off fun. For the older members of the MindComet team the outing can be particularly taxing on the body and conscience. Here is an email sent out from a senior team member the day after the cruise:

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Fellow MindCometeers,

I just wanted to apologize to everyone who saw me dancing on the retreat. I can only imagine the horror and the years of therapy it may take to have those images removed from your memories. Anyone who questions their sanity or general stability after witnessing such an event may be suffering from PTDS (Post Traumatic Dance Syndrome). Symptoms can include flashbacks, uncontrolled body tremors and a complete mental breakdown if any of the songs of that night are played within earshot.

Furthermore, if you were one of the "lucky" few I talked to after midnight on Sunday, I owe you a special apology. If I stole your drinks, cigarettes or gave you advice, I am deeply sorry.

In my own defense I can only say there was a late hit on the play. I had completely dropped my guard and was completely upended by the brilliant yet vicious unrelenting attack of shots brought to me by Ted and his accomplices (you know who you are). I landed on my head (figuratively) and watched as Ted equally deftly clocked out New-New-Guy Tim on his first night as a company employee. Tim's head made a strange sound as if he had been hit by a two-by-four and he landed on the ground next to me wearing Mark Baratelli's black cap, a smile upon his face and his tongue hanging out.

As part of MindComet's Disaster Preparedness Plan, I am now required to provide a list of warning signs that indicate you should avoid direct contact with me:

1) I am smoking
2) I am dancing
3) I am doing shots

I hope this helps you and also hope at the very least I have contributed in some small way in making this cruise a memorable experience.

-paul
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OK, as anyone who attended my recent professional writing seminar can confirm, I am waging a one man war against business jargon, buzzwords and cliches. Here are my Top 10 offenders:

10. Mission Critical
9. Seamless
8. Turnkey
7. Proactive
6. Value-added
5. Paradigm (Shift)
4. Push the Envelope (What Envelope?)
3. Best-of-Breed (Use is acceptable only at dog shows)
2. Think Outside the Box (What Box?)
1. Customer-Centric (Are there any businesses around that aren't focused on customers? What the #@!$ else are they going to be focused on?)

Remember, if you still say 'Think Outside the Box,' you don't.
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If I could be any animal I would want to be a turkey or Jessica Alba. Every Thanksgiving turkeys bring such joy to the world. Not only would I be able to bring joy to the world but I would also be able to covered in thick brown gravy.... Ummmmmm gravy.


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THE MINDCOMET TEAM IS NO LONGER AWAY ON THEIR ANNUAL COMPANY RETREAT. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY, PLEASE MAKE THE OFFICE STOP SWAYING BACK AND FORTH SO WE CAN ALL GET BACK TO WORK!

The retreat was great and will lead to many, many, many cakeplow posts to come...most of them extremely awkward and entertaining.
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THE MINDCOMET TEAM WILL BE AWAY ON THEIR ANNUAL COMPANY RETREAT CRUISE FROM FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 18, TO MONDAY, NOVEMBER 21. Please direct any emergencies ***
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Ok, so I'm a multimedia developer. I sit behind my computer desk and design Flash applications, encode video, edit some audio... So when I get out, it's a big deal. Recently we started a project that has me shooting video in three cities around the United States. Over the next two weeks, I'll be hitting up these bustling metropolises:

Meridian, MS
San Francisco, CA
Columbus, OH

Normally I wouldn't let this get to my head, but something tells me I won't be able to help donning a pair of sunglasses, reclining 3 degrees in my economy-class seat, and pretending the tiny bottle of liquor I'm sipping on is a sour apple martini.

If you live in one of these cities, be on the look-out for a geek wearing a MindComet t-shirt running around town with an HD video camera. Are you ready to ROCK?!
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Ted went to NYC this week and, acting like our own personal Santa, brought back goodies for all the naughty and nice Mindcomet girls and boys. He backed up his gigantic pick-up truck (that thing is ridiculous- is this Alabama?) and got us all in line to receive our surprises.

First up was Scott. Ted pulled out a yellow "Skoal on Fifth Avenue Boutique" bag with a gift tag on it reading "Scott."

"You didn't..."

"Yes. I went there. Here are all your favorite flavors: bacon, tequila, Nyquil and dirt bike!"

"I love you, Ted."

"I love you man."

And with that, the two grown men embraced with a masculine non-sexual passion so tangible and real, the crowd slowly backed away from the men, the truck and the Skoal, in an uncomfortable silence like that you experience at a funeral.

Three hours later the men released their plutonic hug and went about their day. And the Skoal? Well, it all went into Scott's mouth where it sits today.


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Ever wonder where your fellow MindCometeers go during lunch? We have all been there... head down, caught up in a project and when you look up— everyone is gone! Or maybe you are a lunch-loner or a department-only-diner... What does everyone else do with their precious free time? In case you were wondering, I spend mine at the neighborhood mini-farm around the corner.



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Who do you expect to find in the stacks browsing important industry periodicals and literature? I first spotted Hilton and Tim there today catching up on the latest:


You can have this same enjoyable experience any day of the week or if you're Ryan Jennings you can spend your weekend here... You'll find all of the recent industry pubs, the 'Strategy' reference library, books, etc.

Knowledge is power!
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In an attempt to ease the transition of new MindComet employees into our hectic world of deadlines, overtime and tequila drinking, all new hires will now get an official MindComet "buddy" (a.k.a. veteran MC employee). So without any further delay, I (Nate) would like to announce that I am the veteran half of the first MindComet buddy team. Jason (who was recently hired from his intern peon position) is the other half of the new tag team.

My buddy, my buddy, wherever I go, he goes...


Maybe now my mom can stop paying Jay to be my friend.
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Yes, I am a dork. I have transformed myself into MegaMan, or my distorted perception of what is MegaMan, by using things around the office. My MegaMan feets are two chairs from the lounge. My arm gun thingy is a container for cable ties with a ball of putty on the end for realism. And my "helmet" is skull cap obtained from a fellow employee.. ok, so the helmet is lame. So what action hero can you transform yourself into by using things around the office?! Let's see.

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When I first got the postcard in the mail, I though it was a joke. Why would thumbs battle when we have whole bodies and robots that can do that stuff for us now?! Upon reading further I noticed that my favorite contender "Little Buddha" had qualified and made it to the final round. There was no way I could lose. I mortgaged my house and tapped into my offshore accounts for enough money to make the bet worthwhile. This was a lock. The battle began as any good fight should -- a deadlock -- until out of no where Maximus Thumbilius delivered the devastating final blow. Now I'm homeless and have to enter island golf tournaments for sticks of deodorant. No more thumb wars for me. Robots are clearly the way to go...