We're hiring designers... again. The creative team has doubled in size over the past year and we're still in need of more! There's a catch, though. You have to be good. Not good like your mom pats you on the back and says well done. Good, as in all of your friends are in violent envy because of your skillz. At the moment, we're looking for Flash gurus. Mad action-scripting abilities required.

If you're interested and think you can fit in with the rest of the freaks here, contact and put "Design Job" in the subject line. You MUST have an online portfolio to be considered for the position. If you send us your resume without anything online to show for it, we'll most likely print it out, post it in the break room, and make fun of you for the remainder of the year.
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At MindComet we love a good nickname and most people have one. Here is a small sampling of some of our aliases.

Doug
A.K.A. : Dug, Dougy fresh, Fred, Freddy, Freddy Mac

Snowflake
A.K.A. : Snow, Snowy, Flake, Flaker, OgeFlake

Scott
A.K.A. : Scooter, Skeeter, Monkey

Richard
A.K.A. : Ochie, Ocher, Oche

Tara
A.K.A. : Trex, T-Rel, T-Rellious, T, Stimpy

Ryan
A.K.A. : Ry, Rhino, Pretty Little School Girl

Heather
A.K.A. : HHH, H-bomb, Twin-1

Jeremy
A.K.A. : Paris, Hilton, Ralphie

Ted
A.K.A. : Dr. Chunkybutt, Ed, Ears

Marcelle
A.K.A. : Punk, Punker, Punk Rock, Punky
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Tomorrow and Friday the entire office shuts down. No it's not Kwanza. It's moving day(s)! We're unscrewing designer cubicles, unplugging expensive computers and observing each other's pit-stains.
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A small sales team went to Holland last week to meet with one of our clients. You don't realize the difference between regions of the world until you visit them. For instance:

Some Europeans drive cars smaller than golf carts. Are you kidding me??? Seriously how do people even fit inside of one of these things.


In Belgium they have Escargot carts instead of hot dog carts. Roll up on some snails yo!

Apparently the steam iron hasn't yet made it to Europe. Every hotel we visited had an iron, but no steam and no water sprayer. To the average traveler this may have been ok, but when you are traveling on business you want to look good and ironing without steam is like clanking rocks together to make fire.

Another invention soon to make an appearance in Europe is the queen bed. I haven't slept on a twin since I lived with my parents. I was so happy to move out last year.

We can see why America is known as "The Home of The Chunky Butts". The food and drink portions were ample for human existence we're sure… but in the land of the quadruple quarter pounder and supersizing we were left hungry and parched. Bring me a drink in something bigger than a shot glass!

The Dutch eat french fries like snow cones and cover them with mayo, not ketchup. This totally contradicts the whole small portion thing. What are you having for lunch today? Well I am thinking about having a pound of fries with a couple of tubes of fat spread all over them… and a 1oz water.


Holy bikes batman! We have never seen so many bikes in our entire lives. In Amsterdam there is a 3 story parking garage for nothing but bikes.

Well... all joking aside we had a wonderful time and can't wait to go back. The people over there are extremely friendly and our clients rock. We had wonderful (albeit small) meals and the weather was outstanding. After a few weeks of non-stop travel abroad and the states we are sure happy to be back home in our own giant beds, sleeping on our giant pillows, with our giant butts, eating giant portions of food washed down with our giant drinks on our steam ironed sheets.
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Another Doug White sighting....


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The air of competition is thick throughout the office. The mental and physical preparation started days ago and we are all counting the minutes until the first annual Wonder Bread Eatoff. Competitive eating is not for everybody...The faint of heart and the carb-watchers wouldn't stand a chance. It takes a hunger for victory, an appetite for glory, and an Asian branch somewhere on your family tree.
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Many of us don't pay attention to the dulcet tones wafting through office lobbies or keeping us company during the uncomfortable silence of a slow-moving elevator ride. But for one reason or another, I do. At least, when a series of notes triggers some long buried trail of synapses in the internal music database I call a brain, I do.

For instance, last night, as I was making a routine trip to the bathroom (third floor) I could've sworn I heard an instrumental verion of Monie Love's "It's a Shame." I've got to lay off the Frappucinos, I thought. But a quick search on Apple's Music Store assured me that I wasn't suffering from caffeine-induced delusions. On another occasion, I heard the melody of a classic drum n' bass tune - Circles by Adam F. I presumed what I heard was the original song he took the sample from, or some variant.

So if you spot me lurching in the lobby, ear upturned, know that I have not finally gone off the deep end ('cause I'm already way past that.) I'm simply playing name that tune with the speaker in the ceiling. You should try it sometime. You never know, maybe Kenny G will do a cover of "Me So Horny" by 2 Live Crew.

(note: click the orange links for mp3 samples!)
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Let me tell you about our rockets here at MindComet. We give them out to our team members as a token of appreciation upon the successful launch of a piece for a client. There are some people who have a veritable NASA fleet on their desks complete with space shuttles, Apollo rockets and the like. Not me. I have one rocket....one lonely little rocket. So here it is. I love him very much. He means a lot to me. I walk him every night, and gas him up after long flights around the office...

Ok...I'm lying. He just sits there and collects dust...I admit it. However, maybe he wouldn't sit around so much if he had someone else to play with. Perhaps even a little rocket girlfriend with cute jets and a new paint job! Yes...that would make my little rocket happy! It's to bad that he seems doomed to a life of solitary confinement. "Why?" you may ask. "Haven't you launched more than one piece for a client?" These would be reasonable questions since rockets are given out for such tasks. Oh, you'd like to think I only had one launch wouldn't you? It would make you feel more productive if I had only produced one piece wouldn't it?! Well that is not the case thank you very much. I have launched many pieces for my clients over the last year. Yes folks, the true reason I don't have more rockets is much more sinister: MindComet doesn't give them out anymore! It's true! To hope to receive a rocket in these times is but a mere pipe dream. They have faded away as the muscles of our corporate culture have grown larger and larger. The art of doling out plastic trinkets as a pat on the back is mere legend now, blending in with other myths and unbelievables such as the lock ness monster, Bigfoot and a comeback for Michael Jackson's career.

I miss them. (The rockets...not Bigfoot or Michael Jackson.) Bring them back please. That way, my single cold-war era rocket will have someone to play with other than the dust bunnies on my shelf...
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Ya'll stink. I am sorry, but this morning, during the move, someone forgot the Speed Stick. Who was it? I want confessions.
No seriously, this morning's moving day number one went as smooth as a shaved pit. We knew where to go, what to do and how to scratch the top of almost every desk. And at the end, when the last pole was carried down the ramp, when the last bracket was carried in, when the final drop of sweat fell from Scott's forehead...Ryan and Richard showed up.
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It's on! I challenge anyone and everyone to the first annual Wonder Bread Eatoff! First one to down an entire loaf of Wonder Bread (the BIG loaf) wins it all. And by all I mean nothing, except bragging rights as the most carbohydrated person in the office. Got the stomach? Ryan and Jared are waiting for you!

Edit: The Wonder Bread Eatoff will happen this Friday (August 19) in the office kitchen! Come one, come all!

Current Challengers:

• Ryan
• Jared
• Alex
• Jeremy "Ralphie" Hilton

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Here at MindComet, we eat, sleep and breath cutting edge technology . Needless to say we have got a lot of big-brained people running around here with a technical savvy that would put Al Gore(1) to shame. But do not let our gargantuan IQs fool you. We have a weakness. The MindComet Kryptonite if you will. It brings us to our knees begging for mercy, crying uncle. UNCLE I TELL YOU! The one piece of technology that baffles us time and time again, leaving us scratching our heads like a confused monkey(2).

What is the source of this office-wide befuddlement you ask? Why it is none other than the Telephone!

Ah yes, the telephone, that devious trickster. The one piece of technology here at MindComet that we just cannot seem to wrap our brains around.

Upon closer review of this confusion-maker, you will see what I mean. First of all there is the Page(3) feature. This magical little button allows you to broadcast a message to the entire office through each individual persons phone speaker. It seems simple enough. You press the page button and you talk. But blast that confounded Page button. For if you hit it by accident (even if your phone is hung up) it will activate, broadcasting your own personal play-by-play throughout entire office.

Transfer a call? Now it starts to get really complicated. You must hit hold, then dial the extension of the person you want to transfer the call to. But then that person answers and now YOU'RE talking to them. Now what? You hang up and the call goes through. Amazing! But there's more, you actually don't even have to wait for the callee to pick up, you can just hang up and the call will go through. And then there's this feature called putting calls in to Orbit (and you thought we only put Blogs into orbit). This little ability of the AGB brainchild is truly amazing. You can put a call into Orbit by hitting #601 on the number pad(4), and then anyone can pick up the call from any phone, anywhere in the office, by hitting *601! Can you believe it?

And do not even get me started on its ability to Conference Call(5). Are you kidding me? A group telephone meeting? It is too much for anyone to handle. As a matter of fact my best advice to you is to stay away from the telephones at all costs. Stick to IM and email. However if you must use the phone, then do it with confidence. Be Strong. Be offensive(6). And if you do happen to
figure out how to use the phones, please let us know and we will schedule you immediately to conduct a brown bag seminar.

Three cheers for Techmology!

1. For those who do not know, at one point Al Gore claimed to have invented the Internet. Now that is one smart guy!
2. Monkeys are funny
3. One theory is that the page button was conjured up by a Liger - bred for their skills in magic
4. Telephone version of a keyboard
5. The ability to put 3 or more people on a single telephone call all at the same time. The telephone version of an office "conference" or meeting.
6. In this context, the word offensive is intended to convey aggression, making the first strike. It is not used, in this instance, to mean acting in a rude or inappropriate manner. Telling the phone an off-color joke will not make it easier to operate.
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I'm Pinoy

While some of the meaning in this song gets lost in translation, the heart is still there.

The Touch the Feel of Cotton

Many try to sing this as it was once sung (like a nervous chihuahua) by the great Aaron Neville in a Cotton commercial. It's certainly a classic.

The Hustle

Often heard in whistle form, this hit from the 70's is always a delight/annoyance.

Copa Cabana

Generally, the lyrics are changed to fit our needs. Such as, "His name is Ochie. He drives a Beetle."

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(Ted, our prez, pulled a few strings and got me the interview of a lifetime: the wounded, the healing, the dumped... Jennifer Aniston! I don't know if you heard, but she's involved in a rather public break-up)

Me: So why are you talking to Mindcomet about your side of the break-up?

JA: I love your blog. I am totally doing a cakeplow my next birthday.

Me: Cool! Ted will be proud. If you get a video of it, send it our way and we'll post it.

JA: Thank you. That would be very nice.

(She starts to cry and her nose runs a little. Well, a lot.)

Me: Here's a napkin.

JA: Thanks.

Me: You're wel- oh, get that drip right there.

JA: Ok, is it- did I get it- is it?

Me: Here, Jen. Let me.

JA: Thanks.

(I get that drip, throw the napkin in a garbage can next to my desk and sit down. She clears her throat. Scott walks by and says "Akward.")

Me: So, um, how do you feel?

JA: Ugh! Everyone asks me the same questions! Think of something original. C'mon, you're supposed to be creative, fella.

(She gives me a friendly punch)

Me: Ow!

(It totally didn't hurt. i am just playing along. We do a couple laughs and then I drop my notebook. I hear the phone ring. She looks at her nails.

Scott: Akward!

Me: Scott, I am doing my best here.

Scott: I am just saying....

(Scott walks away, but even though he is all the way across the office I hear quietly in the background...)

Scott: Akward.

JA: Is that like, a running joke in the office or something?

Me: Yes. It's Scott's thing. Whenever something weird happens or someone says something off-color, he says "Akward."

JA: That's funny. Akward. I have to write that down.

Me: Yeah. Scott is full of them. if you worked here you'd hear them all.

JA: Tell me more.

Me: Ok. Dead to me.

JA: I don't get it. Explain.

Me: Like, if you answer a question of his and the answer is not what he wants to hear, he says "Dead to me."

JA: Oh that is funny. This Scott guy seems like a funny guy.

Me: He is.

JA: You two ever....?

Me: Yes. One time. But he will never admit it.

JA: Men.

Me: Right?

JA: Well, I gotta run.

Me: Thank you. Yeah i got to get to lunch. The Winderley has Taco Salad.

JA: Oh that sounds good. Can i join you?

Me: Sure. And when we get there, tell me what you think about the younger of the two ladies who work there. Some people think she is gay.

JA: Ok.

(We walk to the Winderley. We go inside. We look at the two ladies.)

JA: Oh yeah. Totally.

(I give her a friendly punch)

Me: I thought so too.
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It's like matter and anti-matter...like oil and water...like the Coyote and Road Runner...like Rocky Balboa and Ivan Drago in Rocky IV...yes, two polar opposites exist in the same place here in our soon-to-be former building...that's right:




No, your eyes aren't deceiving you. There is a vending machine right here in MindComet Headquarters that dispenses both Pepsi AND Coke. Somehow this confluence of diametrically opposed sugary products has not resulted in the Apocalypse. Think I'm making it up? Here's more proof:



P.S. Anybody who knows me at all will know that this photo was obviously staged. I would never be caught dead getting a Coke from a vending machine. I'm a total Pepsi addict.
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So the office was quite on Friday? I bet. Perhaps the lack of rumbling and tumbling was due to the absence of a few of MindComets more boisterous teammates. While we arent usually known for our creativity as much as we are our loud mouths, we did the creative team proud. Decked in custom super hero costumes in Key West Saturday night, we combined our natural gift for drawing attention to ourselves with our new-found artistic expression. It was hysterical! Just wait to see what I have in store for the group on the cruise!
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Ask anyone who was in the office Friday and they will tell you- it was quiet. A baby could have napped. A yoga class instructor could have meditated. A Guerilla Force member could work.

Why? The Projectors were not here. What is a projector? One who can be heard throughout the office, sounding as though they are shouting, wearing a microphone and holding a megaphone, all at the same time.

We can hear you. And if you do not stop talking like you are addressing Congress, I will get that scrappy girl in the Winderley to take you out.
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When most people think of Orlando they inevitably think of theme parks, all you can eat seafood buffets and strip malls. What people don't realize is that central florida is also sprinkled with a ton of clean, clear, fresh water lakes. At MindComet we are lucky enough to have access to a private lake and we regularly take advantage of its watery goodness.

Our more daring clients have been known to join us lakeside for a couple of beers and some good ol' fashion tubing. Mark Mitchell from Speed Channel (that's him in the picture) recently joined us for a little bit of rowdiness... it's not every vendor that will fling you across the water at 30 miles an hour on a innertube. Now that's client service!

We love our clients. They don't just put up with our craziness, they encourage it! We are lucky enough to work with companies and people that appreciate our unique spirit and it makes for an incredible relationship. If any clients (heck... even potential clients) are reading this hit us up for a day at the lake. We'd love to spend some more time with you outside of the office. We recommend Friday afternoon "meetings".
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In an effort to showcase the MindComet culture here on cakeplow, we're starting a new weekly post about... uh... the culture here at MindComet.

Part 1 - Signs & Post-its
Even though computers are the cornerstone device here and MindComet (well, computers AND comedically large wiffle-bats)... we still like to take the time to step away from the world of pixels and fonts and spread our wings in the land of stickies and legal pads. Around the MindComet office you'll find most monitor's surrounded by stickies, and desks/walls decorated with poorly drawn sketches. Although many cannot be shown due to the sensitive nature of the subject matter they contain (ie. phone numbers, naked drawings of our CEO, etc), the following is a small sampling of these:


Be sure to come back for Part 1b: The Language we use, $#!%*?
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I overheard a "Do you know how much sugar is in a Sprite?" conversation this morning and thought I'd chime in. Sprite has 35 grams of sugar, as much as in a Snickers bar. So logically if you want to save a few calories, you'd switch to Diet Sprite. However, if you want to go the extra step and lose the sugar AND lower your cost, you'd try the Publix Diet Lemon Lime drinks. They taste great, but I would not jump from regular Sprite to the Publix in one fell swoop because the flavor is different. Take your time and get used to the flavor of Diet Sprite. I'd say a month. Then, one day, casually drop a 39 cent can of the Publix stuff into your basket, let it chill in the fridge and grab it when it's cold for a test sip. When you're ready, go back to the store and buy the 12-pack, which is about half the cost of a twelver of Diet Sprite. Try that for a week. When you've totally made the switch, celebrate the sugar you've NOT eaten and the money you've saved by taking me out to dinner.

Hello?

Where did everybody go?
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I'm not sure how much longer I can call myself the new guy so I figure I should get at least one post in with the title before the torch must be passed. Let me tell all of you MindComet hopefulls what my initiation into the crew was like. The first thing I learned here at MindComet is that "team building" really means nonstop shot-fest with a few breaks for beer in between. The second thing I learned was that binge drinking combined with a couple of chugs of wing and tabasco sauce makes for a nastier-than-normal hangover. But thats not all MindComet is about. If you like to sing, dance, or let loose your undiagnosed Tourette's this is the place for you. If you are able to easily tune out these types of distractions this may be the place for you too. All in all, MindComet has a lot to offer to its clients and its employees--not to mention an extensive library of classic booty jams.
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This pamplet might come in handy down the road for us.
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After the "Curtis Incident", I realized that we had to make sure we were getting the right people on the bus. This is not a place for everyone. Colorful metaphors, long work hours, surprising physical contact - yes, it's true. Poor innocents needed forewarning. And WE needed to be protected from THEM.

Jay and I nominated ourselves cultural stewards and set out to create an interview process that separated wheat from chaff, gansta from church lady.

Now we say: "Listen, we have to tell you (read 'warn you') about our culture. People here swear a lot, they tell crazy stories, we've got people of all shapes, sizes, orientations and degrees of impropriety (Jay!)." Peeps like us get a big grin on their face and say that they'll dive right in and contribute. Everyone else laughs nervously and professes to not be a "square."

I was taking a candidate on a tour of the office moments after delivering this spiel and someone (who shall remain nameless, but is clearly in a leadership position) exited his office singing "Thong th-thong thong thong" at the top of his voice. Case in point.

And, I found out yesterday that one of our peeps is a regular eater of balut, a Filippino delicacy heretofore seen only on Fear Factor and Survivor. He appears totally normal on the outside, but then - this bombshell. Balut is a fetal duck egg, if you didn't already know.

We have all kinds under this roof and we love it. If you're one of our peeps, call us.
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Those bastards! Actually, we don't know what happened to Curtis. It's one of the great unsolved mysteries of the world, like Atlantis, or Stonehenge, or Donald Trump's hair.

Curtis was a smart lad with a penchant for sweater vests. He did a couple freelance jobs for us and seemed destined to gain a spot in our ranks. We hired him, not knowing exactly where he fit in to the giant jigsaw that is MindComet. But it so happened that his skills fit well with a huge project we were starting his first day.

It may have been the scope of the project... It may have been the mandatory tequila shot for new recruits... It may have been Snowflake's use of "colorful metaphors" or Scott inappropriately touching Ted... But something in those first three hours made Curtis leave for lunch, never to be seen again.

Curtis, wherever you are, thank you. Thank you for a memorable three hours. Thank you for a classic MindComet anecdote. But most of all, thank you for unending hours of laughter at your expense.
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Office bathrooms are crazy places. At our current space, the restrooms are located in the main lobby of the office complex and they are shared by every company in the building. Let's talk about the most obvious advantage of this configuration: anonymity. With the bathrooms being outside of our office, there is no way to trace the "culprit" so to speak. This is indeed a comforting feeling! Until our new building is built with the bathrooms inside our offices, we can go about our business with reckless abandon, secure in the feeling that our co-workers will never know who did what where. (Catch my drift?) There are 3 floors to our current office complex and each one has a bathroom. I decided that the first floor restroom was used by WAY too many people. (There would be 5 people in there after lunch...gross.) SO...I began to take the elevator to the third floor to use the restroom there. While my co-workers were dealing with overflowing urinals, wet toilet paper and overcrowding on floor one, I was enjoying the bliss of privacy, tidiness and fresh paper towels that could only be found in the third floor restroom. Oh how jealous people would be if they knew what a nice, clean restroom awaited them on the upper levels of bathroom nirvana!

For months I was very pleased with my ingenious method to achieving restroom seclusion. I had the means to a clean bathroom experience and no one else knew about it. Ahh...now THAT is happiness. Everything was going fine...UNTIL yesterday. All of my plans were foiled by one brief encounter. As the elevator door was opening on the third floor and I began to step out, I was surprised to see a co-worker waiting to enter the elevator...on MY bathroom floor! We exchanged nervous "what's ups" and I stepped out of the elevator while he entered. What was he doing on my bathroom floor! Was he thinking the same thing?! Had my plan been just a dream the entire time?! Was EVERYONE doing the same thing I was?! The possibilities were frightening. I had to think of a new plan and I had to do it quickly. I decided that if EVERYONE was trying to avoid the dirty first floor bathroom by going to the third floor, maybe they would skip the second floor in their haste to get as far as possible from the nastiness on floor one. (Ya' follow me?)

So the second floor it is. I sure hope it's ok in there, because it is my last hope.

I haven't tested my new plan yet, but I'll let you know what happens...
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It's nearing the end of the day... you can here the sound of brains going limp, pulses quickening, computers being restarted. Hot fragging action is only minutes away... "Two frags in two seconds... excellent!"