The Penultimate Shame
I used to be the New Guy. That's right, used to be. Everything was all hunky-dory: people would wave to me from their desks, "hello New Guy!" or just smile, glad to be tipping their hats for the first time in the direction of the New Guy. I experienced no social discomfort fumbling around the office, asking anyone who's eyes I caught where I might find a ball point pen, packet of artificial sweetener, or handy lavatory; all in a day's work for the New Guy. I felt like a freshly minted coin: shiny, clean, and completely unaware of just where the hell the copy machine is.
That all changed today. Today, Michael Shollenberger showed up.
Suddenly, things aren't quite so easy anymore. My time to bask in the soft glow of fresh innocence has been wrenched away by the "new" New Guy. I just don't know where I stand... am I the Recently New Guy? The New-ish Guy? The Guy Formerly Known as the New Guy (TGFKATNG)? Now how am I going to casually explain away my atrocious Quake 3 playing, my complete and total inability to suggest a place to eat lunch? Now, when asked if I've seen Vernon from Human Resources come in yet, I can't smile slowly and simply say, "sorry, don't know. New guy." Now I have to resort to replying "Sure, he's right over HOLY MOTHER LOOK BEHIND YOU!" before throwing myself under the nearest desk.
Enjoy it New Guy. Me? I'm going to enjoy settling into my position as one of the Newer Guys. I look forward to many years into the future, watching the New New New Guy settle in for his first day. While he fumbles with the 32 point servo articulation of his space-age ergonomic office chair, I'll chuckle to myself, sitting in front of my 98" widescreen UltraHigh Definition monitor, and think back to my one special day of being the New Guy.
That all changed today. Today, Michael Shollenberger showed up.
Suddenly, things aren't quite so easy anymore. My time to bask in the soft glow of fresh innocence has been wrenched away by the "new" New Guy. I just don't know where I stand... am I the Recently New Guy? The New-ish Guy? The Guy Formerly Known as the New Guy (TGFKATNG)? Now how am I going to casually explain away my atrocious Quake 3 playing, my complete and total inability to suggest a place to eat lunch? Now, when asked if I've seen Vernon from Human Resources come in yet, I can't smile slowly and simply say, "sorry, don't know. New guy." Now I have to resort to replying "Sure, he's right over HOLY MOTHER LOOK BEHIND YOU!" before throwing myself under the nearest desk.
Enjoy it New Guy. Me? I'm going to enjoy settling into my position as one of the Newer Guys. I look forward to many years into the future, watching the New New New Guy settle in for his first day. While he fumbles with the 32 point servo articulation of his space-age ergonomic office chair, I'll chuckle to myself, sitting in front of my 98" widescreen UltraHigh Definition monitor, and think back to my one special day of being the New Guy.
posted by MindComet at 11:58 PM
4 Critiques:
You're still "New Guy" in creative...and hey, it's better than being called "Part-Time"... right Andrew?
9:16 AM
The "Newest" New Guy says -- the sillhouette has waaay to much hair to be me!
3:22 PM
i'm the original new guy. i worked at mindcomet for years before i was let go for no reason. WATCH YOUR BACKS! (and don't share a bed with doug on a business trip! he get's the urge to hump things!)
4:29 PM
I'm just kidding! Doug is awesome! He just smells funny when he drinks too much and chews tobacco! Doug is the man!
5:24 PM
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