Techmology

Here at MindComet, we eat, sleep and breath cutting edge technology . Needless to say we have got a lot of big-brained people running around here with a technical savvy that would put Al Gore(1) to shame. But do not let our gargantuan IQs fool you. We have a weakness. The MindComet Kryptonite if you will. It brings us to our knees begging for mercy, crying uncle. UNCLE I TELL YOU! The one piece of technology that baffles us time and time again, leaving us scratching our heads like a confused monkey(2).

What is the source of this office-wide befuddlement you ask? Why it is none other than the Telephone!

Ah yes, the telephone, that devious trickster. The one piece of technology here at MindComet that we just cannot seem to wrap our brains around.

Upon closer review of this confusion-maker, you will see what I mean. First of all there is the Page(3) feature. This magical little button allows you to broadcast a message to the entire office through each individual persons phone speaker. It seems simple enough. You press the page button and you talk. But blast that confounded Page button. For if you hit it by accident (even if your phone is hung up) it will activate, broadcasting your own personal play-by-play throughout entire office.

Transfer a call? Now it starts to get really complicated. You must hit hold, then dial the extension of the person you want to transfer the call to. But then that person answers and now YOU'RE talking to them. Now what? You hang up and the call goes through. Amazing! But there's more, you actually don't even have to wait for the callee to pick up, you can just hang up and the call will go through. And then there's this feature called putting calls in to Orbit (and you thought we only put Blogs into orbit). This little ability of the AGB brainchild is truly amazing. You can put a call into Orbit by hitting #601 on the number pad(4), and then anyone can pick up the call from any phone, anywhere in the office, by hitting *601! Can you believe it?

And do not even get me started on its ability to Conference Call(5). Are you kidding me? A group telephone meeting? It is too much for anyone to handle. As a matter of fact my best advice to you is to stay away from the telephones at all costs. Stick to IM and email. However if you must use the phone, then do it with confidence. Be Strong. Be offensive(6). And if you do happen to
figure out how to use the phones, please let us know and we will schedule you immediately to conduct a brown bag seminar.

Three cheers for Techmology!

1. For those who do not know, at one point Al Gore claimed to have invented the Internet. Now that is one smart guy!
2. Monkeys are funny
3. One theory is that the page button was conjured up by a Liger - bred for their skills in magic
4. Telephone version of a keyboard
5. The ability to put 3 or more people on a single telephone call all at the same time. The telephone version of an office "conference" or meeting.
6. In this context, the word offensive is intended to convey aggression, making the first strike. It is not used, in this instance, to mean acting in a rude or inappropriate manner. Telling the phone an off-color joke will not make it easier to operate.