Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Elevators and bathroom bliss!

Office bathrooms are crazy places. At our current space, the restrooms are located in the main lobby of the office complex and they are shared by every company in the building. Let's talk about the most obvious advantage of this configuration: anonymity. With the bathrooms being outside of our office, there is no way to trace the "culprit" so to speak. This is indeed a comforting feeling! Until our new building is built with the bathrooms inside our offices, we can go about our business with reckless abandon, secure in the feeling that our co-workers will never know who did what where. (Catch my drift?) There are 3 floors to our current office complex and each one has a bathroom. I decided that the first floor restroom was used by WAY too many people. (There would be 5 people in there after lunch...gross.) SO...I began to take the elevator to the third floor to use the restroom there. While my co-workers were dealing with overflowing urinals, wet toilet paper and overcrowding on floor one, I was enjoying the bliss of privacy, tidiness and fresh paper towels that could only be found in the third floor restroom. Oh how jealous people would be if they knew what a nice, clean restroom awaited them on the upper levels of bathroom nirvana!

For months I was very pleased with my ingenious method to achieving restroom seclusion. I had the means to a clean bathroom experience and no one else knew about it. Ahh...now THAT is happiness. Everything was going fine...UNTIL yesterday. All of my plans were foiled by one brief encounter. As the elevator door was opening on the third floor and I began to step out, I was surprised to see a co-worker waiting to enter the elevator...on MY bathroom floor! We exchanged nervous "what's ups" and I stepped out of the elevator while he entered. What was he doing on my bathroom floor! Was he thinking the same thing?! Had my plan been just a dream the entire time?! Was EVERYONE doing the same thing I was?! The possibilities were frightening. I had to think of a new plan and I had to do it quickly. I decided that if EVERYONE was trying to avoid the dirty first floor bathroom by going to the third floor, maybe they would skip the second floor in their haste to get as far as possible from the nastiness on floor one. (Ya' follow me?)

So the second floor it is. I sure hope it's ok in there, because it is my last hope.

I haven't tested my new plan yet, but I'll let you know what happens...

18 Critiques:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You can't have the second floor! Its MINE!

3:02 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sorry, but I often times use the second floor and have also used the third on occasion! :-)
Jerry

3:25 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

there's a second floor?

- anonymous

3:30 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL - I always see the men of MindComet sneaking in and out of the stairwell - you're all guilty!

3:33 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

seriously - back off the 2nd floor... they have "neat seat" toilet seat ass paper covers up there! You bottom floor dwellers are not worthy of the neat seat!

- Jarrod

wait... did i really want to stamp my name on this?

3:36 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

1) the 2nd floor is where it's at
2) use the stairs. it's more anonymous and you get a little exercise, too

-Nate

3:37 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jarrod, don't you watch Penn & Teller's Bullsh!t? They disproved the whole dirty toilet seat thing and showed that the neat seat thing is a bunch of, uh, crap.

BTW, at my last job, somebody put a redonkulously hilarious piece of graffiti right above the paper seat cover dispenser: "ASS GASKETS"

3:40 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

BTW, the last post was also by Nate.

I'm Nathan Dawson and I approved this message.

3:40 PM

 
Blogger MindComet said...

So do the girls do this as well? I am interested to see if they are as concerned about hygiene as we are!

Wes

3:44 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

there are many advantages to floors 2 and 3 over floor 1:

1 - lower traffic means less interruptions
2 - cooler (literally), which is more comfortable and provides a subliminal sense of enhanced hygiene
3 - the background noise of the air conditioning provides a more relaxing environment
4 - the soap dispensers are never empty

jim

4:09 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry, Wes, I have been using floor 2 for some time...

4:22 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, alternate floors are the norm (for men at least), especially for sitting engagements. I also use building #2 for #2. Is that wrong?

4:23 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The second floor is a good alternative when floor 3 is busy (I believe
the male/female ratio is higher on the third floor due to the FBI located
there.)

The second floor is also the only one to have paper seat covers. Figure
that one out.

Hysterical - at least I'm not the only one to put that much thought
into thebathroom situation!

4:47 PM

 
Blogger Ryan Jennings said...

Someone sh!t on the coats!!!

5:39 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Girls use the other bathrooms too!

5:18 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

somehow people are under the impression that girls do not go #2 - why is this?

5:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Of course girls go #2... they just go less often. Or at least that's the impression I got when a girl asked me, "You guys have to go everyday, don't you?"

1:41 PM

 
Blogger MindComet said...

See, us skinny boys are skinny for a reason: fast metabolisms! :)

This leads to lots of trips to the elevators....!

4:17 PM

 

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